A form for Taru death-songs

Book VII of Cosmic Warlord Kin-Bright introduces a new verse-form to the poem, for Taru death-songs.

I have long found haiku in English dissatisfying—personally, that is, to write. I’ve met some very beautiful English haiku, but I don’t enjoy writing them very much.

I think—I think—this is because as normally practised in English the haiku seems rather unconstrained, even if one works in a cut and a seasonal indication. At the day’s end, English syllables are not the on of Japanese prosody, I guess?

So I cast about for something that might achieve some of the reported effects of haiku, renga, &c, but brewed from English materials. Here is what I concocted:

1. An a-verse of an alliterative line, required to end with a long dip or short dip.
2. A second a-verse of an alliterative line, also required to end with a long dip or short dip, alliterating on a different sound.
3. A b-verse of an alliterative line (for finality), but ending with a lift (so, not a classical b-verse), cross-alliterating with the lifts of the two previous lines (usually alliterating with line 1, then line 2, but the opposite's allowed too).

Here's an example, with the lift syllables in bold type:

I have borne forth the blade-tip
killing when called, care-worn,
in battles beyond count.

Now not ashamed I self-shatter,
of my honour in all things
sure in the act.

But for drunk-drooping dragonfly
full well lying on the leaf-perch,
ever this dreng longed,

for the restfulness of my renk-youth
in gold-city garnished
with many garden-rooves.

Now most grim is the grief-load
that to our children we chain-pass;
inly it grips and chills.